The Two Towers: Man, I Can't Believe I Read That Thing So Fast

So I was completely prepared to hate The Two Towers as much as I hated Fellowship of the Ring and therefore spend another three months reading it. But instead it has only taken me about three and a half weeks. I'm proud of myself. I think I deserve an ice cream slushie.

Alright, I cheated a little. Whenever someone started making a really long speech, or when J.R.R. Tolkien was describing the scenery, I just skipped over it. Saved me a lot of time. And I still perfectly understood everything that was going on, so stop looking at me like that.

The Two Towers was much better than Fellowship. Much, much better. I think a big part of this is from there being two halves of the book. The first half focuses on Strider, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf. Sadly, Boromir is killed in the first chapter. In my opinion he was the strongest character in the first book, so I was quite angry when he was killed by Orcs. It also seemed odd that he was killed at the beginning of this one when it would have made a lot more sense for it to have happened at the end of Fellowship, right after his confrontation with Frodo.

Anyway, there was actually a battle! A big one! And they kill people Orcs! And Legolas and Gimli have this awesome contest where they see who kills more people Orcs. Alright, I have to ask. Is there a reason Tolkien made the enemies inhuman? I've noticed that no countries support the Dark Lord. All he has are Orcs and Ring Wraiths. Is Sauron really unable to get any regular humans/elves/dwarfs/corrupt nations on his side? Just curious.

Another good part: there was a confrontation with Saruman. I like Saruman. He's like a less-boring Gandalf. He also has a tower. A really tall one. Really, who needs an entire castle when you can just have an extremely tall tower? Not to mention that during this confrontation Gandalf and company were on the ground while Saruman was on a balcony. Yep. A balcony. That tells me that this tower is so tall that if Saruman was standing on the roof, no one would have been able to hear him. Also, that man can sing!

I found that on accident right before I got to the part with Saruman. So I was quite surprised when Legolas didn't shoot Saruman in the book. I was also quite disappointed when Saruman didn't break into song.

Frodo, Sam, and Gollum take the stage in the second half. I can't decide if I hate Gollum or feel sorry for him. I also can't decide if I want Sam to kill Gollum, or Gollum to kill Sam. Sure, Sam is my favorite character now that Boromir's dead, but he was a complete jerk to Gollum.

Anyways, Frodo and Sam make a cute couple. They hold hands, Frodo sleeps with his head on Sam's lap, and after Frodo dies Sam decides that life is not worth living and he would rather be dead with Frodo.

Yep. Frodo dies. Only he's not really dead. Just like Gandalf. So I will keep hoping that Boromir returns in the next book.

The Fellowship of the Ring: It Sucked, Then It Got Decent

Alright, so it took me much longer than I expected to finish The Fellowship of the Ring. That's not a good sign. If I am enjoying a book I can usually finish it in under a week, even if it's pretty long. So the fact that I spent several months getting through the Fellowship says a lot.

So what is it that I dislike about this book? For the most part, it's the characters. There's too many of them. Usually I like books that have a lot of characters, but none of these have much of a personality. Even Frodo, the hero of the story, is rather blah. Merry and Pippen (and later on Legolas) have almost no lines, and it is too easy to forget about them. When Strider was first introduced, I thought he was awesome. That was when it was just him and the hobbits. But when Gandalf, Gimli, Boromir and Legolas came along, Strider was pushed to the side and lost alot of his charm.

As for the ones I liked: Sam and Boromir. Sam is just a sweetheart. He's a country hick. I love him. Although I am convinced that he's in love with Frodo. There is a ridiculous amount of bromance between them, too much for them to just be friends. And Boromir, I can't say enough about Boromir. In my opinion he had the most well defined personality in the whole book (which isn't saying much, to be honest). He's the only one who has an opinion of his own and doesn't just blindly agree with everything Gandalf or Strider says. He's loyal, as shown when he wants to go back and defend Minas Tirith even when no one else in the Fellowship thinks it's important. Not to mention, he's right about the Ring: if the right person got ahold of it they could easily drive out the evil forces. Too bad these traits make him seem like a jerk to everyone else.

But the character I hated most was Gandalf. I have nothing positive to say about him at all. It seems like he was only created for exposition, and when the exposition was all finished there was no longer a need for him. While each of the other characters have very few lines, Gandalf never shuts up. Just look at chapter two. It's a long chapter, and most of it is Gandalf explaining what happened in the past to Frodo. Pure exposition. It's like J.R.R. Tolkien didn't even try to disguise it. And we're supposed to believe that Frodo didn't know any of this before the book starts? Honestly, it was only after Gandalf dies that I started liking the book. (And then he comes back in chapter five of The Two Towers, sadly.)


Just a few things that confused me:

• Tom Bombadil (He was fun, just... odd)
• Everyone randomly breaks out into songs all the time. I was not expecting that at all.
• If Frodo's quest is supposed to be a complete secret, why is it that most of the people he meets seem to know that he's the Ring Bearer?
• The Black Riders are unable to enter towns, or at least buildings.
• I'm really surprised that the wizards are unable to teleport. It would make this series a lot shorter.

Sorry I complained so much. I'm really tough on books, especially ones that are supposed to be really good.